I’m not one for passing down life lessons, as most of the time I feel like I’m still learning myself. I do, however, want to make sure my children know that it’s ok to show their emotions, to talk about their feelings, and cry when they need to cry. I’ve not always been great at this myself, although I hope I am improving as the years pass. I spent much of my life bottling things up, and it was often music that triggered the release, the ’emotional ketchup burst’ as Douglas Coupland described it, often in the form of tears.

I don’t know why music has this effect, but perhaps it reaches some kind of deeper level inside of me, beyond what I’m conscious of. Maybe it’s my soul (if you believe in the soul), maybe it’s some rarely used part of my brain, but whatever it is, the effect is very real.

There are many, many songs that have made me cry. In a few cases it’s the song itself that bought the tears, but more often it’s because of the moment in my life that I heard the song, or people, places and events they reminded me of. By its nature, this is an incomplete list, and one that I will add to over time, but for now, here are some of those many, many songs.

Fast Car – Tracy Chapman

I remember my mum listening to the first Tracy Chapman album a lot in the years after my parents divorce, so it reminds me of a very emotional time in my life. In particular I remember one occasion when she was listening to this whilst decorating our new house, and it bought on a strange feeling. Sadness of course, but with just a hint of hope that better things lay ahead. Music had always been something fun up to that point, this was the first time I really was aware of it being something that could make me feel. I also understood on some level, even then, that it wasn’t entirely a bad thing.

Wrote about this one in more depth here.

My Girl – The Temptations

We didn’t go to the cinema much when I was a young kid, I assume because money was tight, but also possibly because going to watch kids movies wasn’t my mum’s idea of a good time. So I remember distinctly the handful of occasions that we did go. Mainly to fun, daft movies like Honey I Shrunk The Kids and King Ralph. I was used to movies with happy endings and mild peril, so was unprepared for the emotional gut punch that was the movie My Girl. Inevitably it was the song of the same name that delivered the tears, as much as the tragic ending to the movie itself. A shame that such a joyful song now has ever since made me think of a dead Macauley Culkin.

Birds of a Feather (end credits theme)

Speaking of Macauley Culkin, I was a kid not used to being left home alone, but my single mother had to take my sister to a parent’s evening, she wasn’t allowed to bring her other chils, so what could she do? She assured me she would be back in an hour, but as an hour became two and more I started to get worried and upset whilst waiting and watching TV, wondering what had happened to them. This was in the days before mobile phones of course, nor would it have been easy to make a call fro the school.

I remember I was watching ‘Birds of a Feather’, a long running BBC sitcom about two women living together whilst their husbands were in prison, and as the, rather cheesy, end credits song came on, I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. I’m not sure I had ever been quite so upset. They returned 5 minutes later. There was no need to worry at all.

It’s arguably slightly embarrassing that, whilst Kevin Macallister, home alone at a similar age, managed to do the shopping, befriend an elderly neighbour and fight off two burglars, I couldn’t even cope with my mum being a bit late. But how you feel is how you feel, and as the main point of this post is that it’s fine to cry, for whatever reason, I can’t be too hard on my younger self.

Sacrifice – Elton John

This was one of the songs chosen at my dad’s funeral, when I was just 16. He was never particularly into music, but he did have at least one Elton John record so I guess it kind of made sense (the other song chosen was ‘He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother’ by The Hollies, which given the fact the service was organised by his sister, always felt like a slightly self-centred choice, but that’s another story). Even on what should have been the saddest day of my young life, it was only the music that triggered the tears. My relationship with my dad was complicated, and at that time distant, and until that moment his death had left me numb more than sad. There was clearly a deeply buried well of sorrow that the music allowed out for a moment. Sometimes I think it is buried still.

Repeat – Evan Dando

Some of the songs on this list have bought tears of joy, some tears of sadness, and in this case, tears of shame. I had been out drinking the night before and had made a fool of myself in front of someone I had a crush on. I put this record on the following morning, and the chorus refrain of “When things go on, admit defeat. When things go wrong, repeat” is what bought the tears. It seemed in that moment to sum up very well where I was in my life. As so often, crying it out helped clear my head (and my hangover), and what had felt so awful the night before was not such a big deal any more.

The Boy Done Wrong Again – Belle and Sebastian

This is one of the rare occasions when I didn’t have to hear the song in question for it to make me cry. I was walking home from a night out, having again embarrassed myself in front of a crush (I don’t think it was the same one as mentioned above, but the fact I don’t quite remember shows how events that seem like a massive deal at the time become easily lost in the mists of time). This song, that I probably hadn’t listened to in a decade, popped into my head unbidden, which was enough by itself to make me cry.

Hips Don’t Lie – Shakira

Perhaps the most unlikely inclusion on this list. I was at a music festival in Budapest in the early hours of the morning, may have indulged in some substances, and may have been in the process of coming down (I couldn’t possibly comment further). I had wandered off from my friend group, and suddenly felt very alone. I went to one of the food and drink vendors to get a bottle of water, and this song was blasting out of their radio. Somehow in that moment a song about sexy dancing felt ineffably sad, to the point of tears. I guess you might claim that it was the rapidly reducing serotonin levels in my brain rather than the song itself that made me cry, but once again it was the song that was the emotional trigger.

Only You – Yazoo

When my wife and I first met, our relationship was long distance, and we used to send each other mix CDs in the post. There were many songs on those CDs that made me emotional, but this was the only one I recall actually making me cry. My wife later recorded a cover of it for me, so it is perhaps the only song that has made me cry in two different versions. Very much happy tears in this case, albeit tinged with sadness at being apart.

True Love Will Find You In The End – Daniel Johnston

My wife’s best friend performed this at our wedding ceremony. I’d managed to keep it fairly together until that point, but hearing that song opened the floodgates, as I realised that true love had, in fact, found me in the end. Most of the crying occasions on this list were in private, but this was in front of all my closest friends and family. Good to have an audience once in a while.

Colour Me In – Broadcast

This is a tough one to even talk about. It was at the funeral of a friend’s baby who had died after just a few hours after being born. I wrote about this event, and the impact Broadcast have had on my life here, should you wish to read it. Suffice to say I have never cried as much or as hard or as long as that day.

These Days – Nico

A song my wife and I had loved for a long time, this came on the radio one day when we were together in the kitchen. Somehow the sadness and clarity of Jackson Browne’s lyrics hit us both at the same time and we looked at each other and both welled up.

I will still never understand how he wrote a song this good aged just 17

“Don’t confront me with my failures, I had not forgotten them”

Girl, so Confusing (remix) – Charli XCX & Lorde

Probably not a song aimed at making middle aged men cry, but here we are. These were more happy tears than sad ones. I guess I just think it’s really nice that, in a world that tried to set them up as rivals, they chose instead to work it out in the remix.

(another one I have written more about)

Pink Pony Club – Chappell Roan

Since becoming a parent, any songs, films or shows about children or parents hit even harder emotionally than they once did. In fact this process may actually have started well before I became a parent, as I got older, started to develop a stronger sense of empathy, and became at least little less self centred. It has certainly intensified since becoming a parent though. For example, I have a much greater appreciation of ‘She’s Leaving Home’ by The Beatles nowadays. Some may argue that Pink Pony Club is not as good a song, but of the two songs, it is the one by Chappell Roan that has made me cry.

If you’ve enjoyed this, you can find me on Bluesky and Instagram @markjwray